Saturday, July 31, 2010
Saturday, June 19, 2010
It's one of those nights again. I can't get my brain to shut off and consequently I'm up at nearly 3 AM. Recently I've started thinking I should do something creative--that I should start a project and actually finish it, to be precise. It wouldn't matter whether the project consisted of writing fiction, creating a video game, maintaining a regular daily blog about something that impassions me. I've simply felt like my imagination and creativity are going to waste.
New information recently came to light and is playing with my head in unexpected ways. My mother, who--via Facebook--keeps in touch with my recent ex-boyfriend, casually informed me that the ex in question has presently finished moving to Kansas City, Missouri. To my surprise and mild indignation, I find myself growing increasingly saddened by this. I was under the impression that I'd managed to move on, but apparently the dramatically increased distance between us forces me to address the fact that he's now far less likely to show up on my doorstep or run into me at a mall or restaurant, resulting in the rekindling of the unbelievably beautiful romance we shared. It seems that like an industrious (yet deranged) little squirrel, a part of me has secretly been guarding a private stash of longing or perhaps hope for this wonderful man to return to me and tell me that he regrets turning me away when I expressed my desire to work through our problems together. How odd it feels to discover these buried feelings because of the very same information that quite clearly reminds me that such desires are improbable enough to resign them to the realm of foolish fantasy.
I find myself taking all the blame upon my own shoulders and wishing to incorporate thoughts and feelings about our failed romance into the creative project I've been hoping to undertake. It feels like perhaps it would make an appropriate remembrance to honor the passion, tenderness and magic that we shared. It might also serve well as a kind of penance for my letting my pride, fear and inaction run unchecked for so long. I particularly like the idea of a retelling of our story from the perspective of a past (or even future) life. I fear I would make a rather compelling villain or fool. It would be interesting to see how strangers would react to it, unable to form opinions based on loyalty--familial or otherwise.
What pains me the most is the slow realization that despite the pain or sorrow I may feel in any given moment, my heart (soul? consciousness?) seemingly remains unconnected to those of the ones I love most. I so unerringly wish to believe that we are all connected, that when a child is injured the parent can sense it; that when you are in terrible pain from missing one you will always love, they will sense it and contact you. Sadly, this rarely (if ever) happens. No one will have sensed that I genuinely shed tears this evening, or that I felt lost, confused, foolish and alone. The evening will join the ranks of other forgotten evenings and I will have no choice but to smile and stay positive despite the lingering sadness. Little by little, I fear life is whittling away at my belief in the divine interconnectedness of everything. I don't want to lose that. If only evidence would cease its relentless indications to confirm how very wrong that belief seems to be.
There's also the matter of another wonderful man who loves me dearly. I love him most dearly as well and cherish his presence in my life. I adore him and though he drives me insane, I can see myself living a very happy life with him. The passion I felt for my ex, however, proves a sizable hurdle. It reminds me incessantly that our love is much more fraternal than I dreamed I would share with the man I chose to spend my life with. It lacks that incredible intensity I shared with my ex, and I fear it always will. That having been said, I know he has the kindness, gentleness, patience and genuinely unconditional love to give me the life-long relationship I've always wanted. But is a lifelong relationship that feels rather more like a friendship than a romance sufficient to fulfill my eternal desire to share true love with someone? I cannot shake this feeling of confusion.
What is more important: a strong, healthy, intellectual, interesting, meaningful friendship; or a passion and love so deep that months can pass without any manner of contact and my heart still stirs with buried feelings of longing, tenderness, joy and sorrow at the thought of him? Will I miss him for the rest of my life, always wondering what might have been if I had feared nothing and held nothing back? I'm sure psychologists would say that my love for the man who is currently in my life is far healthier, more rational and stable. Then again, I've never really believed love to be rational, stable or even healthy! I can't help but smile when I remember how wonderful the passion of intense love can feel and how logical it seems that such intense love would come with less predictably and stability. The hotter a fire burns, the more difficult it is to predict, control or contain. It's only natural that a love that burns hotter would have similarly uncontrollable qualities.
I dream of being fifty, seeing my partner of 50 years come through the door and still getting butterflies just at the sight of him. Some people have that kind of love, and oh how I envy them! Perhaps that day will come in the least expected of ways. For now, my fatigue at last outweighs my insomnia and I am off to bed. May we all live our lives with love in our hearts and the knowledge that when we treat one another with genuine love, that warmth will spread and multiply, inevitably making a difference to countless hearts and nurturing a world that's an infinitely happier place.
New information recently came to light and is playing with my head in unexpected ways. My mother, who--via Facebook--keeps in touch with my recent ex-boyfriend, casually informed me that the ex in question has presently finished moving to Kansas City, Missouri. To my surprise and mild indignation, I find myself growing increasingly saddened by this. I was under the impression that I'd managed to move on, but apparently the dramatically increased distance between us forces me to address the fact that he's now far less likely to show up on my doorstep or run into me at a mall or restaurant, resulting in the rekindling of the unbelievably beautiful romance we shared. It seems that like an industrious (yet deranged) little squirrel, a part of me has secretly been guarding a private stash of longing or perhaps hope for this wonderful man to return to me and tell me that he regrets turning me away when I expressed my desire to work through our problems together. How odd it feels to discover these buried feelings because of the very same information that quite clearly reminds me that such desires are improbable enough to resign them to the realm of foolish fantasy.
I find myself taking all the blame upon my own shoulders and wishing to incorporate thoughts and feelings about our failed romance into the creative project I've been hoping to undertake. It feels like perhaps it would make an appropriate remembrance to honor the passion, tenderness and magic that we shared. It might also serve well as a kind of penance for my letting my pride, fear and inaction run unchecked for so long. I particularly like the idea of a retelling of our story from the perspective of a past (or even future) life. I fear I would make a rather compelling villain or fool. It would be interesting to see how strangers would react to it, unable to form opinions based on loyalty--familial or otherwise.
What pains me the most is the slow realization that despite the pain or sorrow I may feel in any given moment, my heart (soul? consciousness?) seemingly remains unconnected to those of the ones I love most. I so unerringly wish to believe that we are all connected, that when a child is injured the parent can sense it; that when you are in terrible pain from missing one you will always love, they will sense it and contact you. Sadly, this rarely (if ever) happens. No one will have sensed that I genuinely shed tears this evening, or that I felt lost, confused, foolish and alone. The evening will join the ranks of other forgotten evenings and I will have no choice but to smile and stay positive despite the lingering sadness. Little by little, I fear life is whittling away at my belief in the divine interconnectedness of everything. I don't want to lose that. If only evidence would cease its relentless indications to confirm how very wrong that belief seems to be.
There's also the matter of another wonderful man who loves me dearly. I love him most dearly as well and cherish his presence in my life. I adore him and though he drives me insane, I can see myself living a very happy life with him. The passion I felt for my ex, however, proves a sizable hurdle. It reminds me incessantly that our love is much more fraternal than I dreamed I would share with the man I chose to spend my life with. It lacks that incredible intensity I shared with my ex, and I fear it always will. That having been said, I know he has the kindness, gentleness, patience and genuinely unconditional love to give me the life-long relationship I've always wanted. But is a lifelong relationship that feels rather more like a friendship than a romance sufficient to fulfill my eternal desire to share true love with someone? I cannot shake this feeling of confusion.
What is more important: a strong, healthy, intellectual, interesting, meaningful friendship; or a passion and love so deep that months can pass without any manner of contact and my heart still stirs with buried feelings of longing, tenderness, joy and sorrow at the thought of him? Will I miss him for the rest of my life, always wondering what might have been if I had feared nothing and held nothing back? I'm sure psychologists would say that my love for the man who is currently in my life is far healthier, more rational and stable. Then again, I've never really believed love to be rational, stable or even healthy! I can't help but smile when I remember how wonderful the passion of intense love can feel and how logical it seems that such intense love would come with less predictably and stability. The hotter a fire burns, the more difficult it is to predict, control or contain. It's only natural that a love that burns hotter would have similarly uncontrollable qualities.
I dream of being fifty, seeing my partner of 50 years come through the door and still getting butterflies just at the sight of him. Some people have that kind of love, and oh how I envy them! Perhaps that day will come in the least expected of ways. For now, my fatigue at last outweighs my insomnia and I am off to bed. May we all live our lives with love in our hearts and the knowledge that when we treat one another with genuine love, that warmth will spread and multiply, inevitably making a difference to countless hearts and nurturing a world that's an infinitely happier place.
Friday, October 12, 2007
Top 10 Favourite Anime
Why? Someone asked and I took way too much time writing it to let it go to waste.
1. Fruits Basket (A high school girl named Tohru Honda, living alone in a tent in the woods, discovers the strange "zodiac" curse of the Sohma family, which causes them to change into a Chinese zodiac animal any time a member of the opposite sex hugs them.)
2. Chobits (A country boy named Hideki fails to pass his college entrance exams and moves to the city to study and gain college admission. He is stunned to find that most people in the city have persecoms--androids that are almost indistinguishable from humans, yet also provide the same functions as many household computers. He wishes for one constantly, only to stumble across an extremely remarkable one that has been abandoned in the trash one night. An intense yet hilarious relationship ensues as Hideki teaches the persecom, who he names Chi, about everyday life and humanity.)
3. Full Metal Alchemist (I probably don't have to summarize this one, lol. Everyone's heard of it. It's about two young alchemists.)
4. .hack//SIGN (A vivid portrayal of a not-so-distant future in which online video games take place in a highly immersive virtual reality platform. The anime revolves around a game called "The World". A strange boy named Tsukasa surfaces in the game, causing seemingly impossible disruptions and ultimately uncovering the game's deepest secrets.)
5. Magic Users Club (In a world that is [not-so] threatened by a strange alien presence called "The Bell", magic is mainly being used by high school senior Takeo Takakura in an awkward attempt to meet girls, under the pretense of fighting "The Bell". Vice-prez of Takeo's magic users club is extravagant, effeminate, overwhelmingly devoted, love-stricken homosexual Ayanojyo Aburatsubo. The show revolves around clutzy Sae Sawanoguchi and her best friend Nanaka Nakatomi as they join the club and turn things upside-down. Naturally, I can't leave out the hilarious supporting characters--Mizuha Miyama, Takakura's busty, lifelong arch-nemesis; and Akane Aikawa, a beautiful, good-intentioned, yet ditzy and self-centered model and member of the magic users club. The zany cast of characters makes this one of the most, if not THE most hilarious anime I've ever seen.)
6. Popotan (Three sisters posess immortality and magic, but are cursed to have their home [literally, their home] constantly shifted from place to place. The show is incredibly bizarre, with an insanely high level of nonchalant female nudity for no apparent reason. It doesn't even seem to be overtly sexual, but rather... comedic. Still, the show manages to make you think, smile and sometimes even inspires you.)
7. Jubei-chan and the Lovely Eyepatch (300 years ago, legendary swordsman Yagyu Jubei led his clan of samurai triumphantly against the villainous Ryujoji clan. On his deathbed, Yagyu transfers his abilities into a heart-shaped eyepatch which he instructs his attendant, Koinosuke, to bestow upon a worthy successor. In the present day, Koinosuke [whose aging has been all but stopped] finds this successor in perky schoolgirl Nanohana Jiyu, who her father, coincidentally, has nicknamed "Jubei." Unfortunately for Koinosuke, Jiyu doesn't want to embody the spirit of Yagyu Jubei. The descendants of the Ryujoji still bear a grudge against the Yagyu, so Jiyu reluctantly accepts the eyepatch to become Yagyu Jubei and put an end to the centuries-old feud.)
8. Slayers (The story of sorceress Lina Inverse and Gourry Gabriev, a handsome but vain and slightly stupid knight. Lina likes to claim that there is no one else in all the land to match her power and grace, but in all honesty she's greedy, gluttonous and leaves a fantastic trail of destruction in her wake. Don't get me wrong though--that's what makes Lina hilarious! She and Gourry are the good guys, but they're always eating the people out of house and home, all the while searching for treasure. One of the first animes I ever watched, yet still a favorite.)
9. Record of Lodoss War: Chronicles of the Heroic Knight (This sequel follows in the footsteps of its predecessor wonderfully. Personally, I like it even better. Our story follows the journey of aspiring Free Knight, Spark... whose hero is none other than Parn, from the original. Spark meets Little Neese, the daughter of Slayn and Laylia and decides to protect and aid her. Fortunately, Spark develops a crush on Little Neese, adding some extra interest to the story. My favorite part of this series is the comic relief provided by the little "Welcome to Lodoss Island" bits, done in the classic "chibi" style. If you're unfamiliar with the term "chibi", it pretty much means tiny. All the characters are drawn in a smaller, rounder, impossibly adorable fashion and their personalities are magnified in extreme charicature. Funny stuff.)
10. Inuyasha (Yeah... I'm putting Inuyasha on the list. I'm slightly ashamed, but I have to do it. When I finish reading Fushigi Yugi, I'll probably watch its anime incarnation and then it will take its rightful place on this list. You see, Inuyasha is merely a colourful adaptation of Fushigi Yugi. They both take place when a high school girl falls through some portal into ancient, mystical feudal realm and fall in love. For Miaka Yuuki of Fushigi Yugi, her love interest is a boy with the word demon upon his forehead. For Kagome of Inuyasha, it's a boy who happens to be a half-demon with cute little fangs and pointy dog ears. They both take up the mantle of a priestess of the realm. They both meet and befriend an eccentric monk during their travels. The parallels are seemingly endless. What originally made Inuyasha stand out to me was the dynamic of the relationship between Inuyasha and Kagome. It was hilarious, yet sometimes captured that breathless moment when your eyes meet those of the one you love, and for an instant you both wonder if the object of your affection feels the same. Inuyasha is prideful, arrogant and sometimes mean, but that's pretty nice for a half-demon though, don't you think? Also, I can't fail to mention Miroku, Inuyasha's eccentric monk. In his hand lies a wind tunnel that threatens to someday consume him, yet despite that and the fact that he's a MONK, nothing can dissuade him from being a total player, womanizer, ladie's man. Miroku, we love you. <3 Unfortunately, at some point Inuyasha became too repetitive and drawn-out for me. Every episode soon felt the same. They should make a summarized version, lol.)
So there you have it! I hope you're not sleeping on your keyboards. Your drool will short the circuitry and worse... you'll wake up with WAFFLE FACE! Seriously though, all of these titles are great. Consider watching one, or even two! :)
--Nate
1. Fruits Basket (A high school girl named Tohru Honda, living alone in a tent in the woods, discovers the strange "zodiac" curse of the Sohma family, which causes them to change into a Chinese zodiac animal any time a member of the opposite sex hugs them.)
2. Chobits (A country boy named Hideki fails to pass his college entrance exams and moves to the city to study and gain college admission. He is stunned to find that most people in the city have persecoms--androids that are almost indistinguishable from humans, yet also provide the same functions as many household computers. He wishes for one constantly, only to stumble across an extremely remarkable one that has been abandoned in the trash one night. An intense yet hilarious relationship ensues as Hideki teaches the persecom, who he names Chi, about everyday life and humanity.)
3. Full Metal Alchemist (I probably don't have to summarize this one, lol. Everyone's heard of it. It's about two young alchemists.)
4. .hack//SIGN (A vivid portrayal of a not-so-distant future in which online video games take place in a highly immersive virtual reality platform. The anime revolves around a game called "The World". A strange boy named Tsukasa surfaces in the game, causing seemingly impossible disruptions and ultimately uncovering the game's deepest secrets.)
5. Magic Users Club (In a world that is [not-so] threatened by a strange alien presence called "The Bell", magic is mainly being used by high school senior Takeo Takakura in an awkward attempt to meet girls, under the pretense of fighting "The Bell". Vice-prez of Takeo's magic users club is extravagant, effeminate, overwhelmingly devoted, love-stricken homosexual Ayanojyo Aburatsubo. The show revolves around clutzy Sae Sawanoguchi and her best friend Nanaka Nakatomi as they join the club and turn things upside-down. Naturally, I can't leave out the hilarious supporting characters--Mizuha Miyama, Takakura's busty, lifelong arch-nemesis; and Akane Aikawa, a beautiful, good-intentioned, yet ditzy and self-centered model and member of the magic users club. The zany cast of characters makes this one of the most, if not THE most hilarious anime I've ever seen.)
6. Popotan (Three sisters posess immortality and magic, but are cursed to have their home [literally, their home] constantly shifted from place to place. The show is incredibly bizarre, with an insanely high level of nonchalant female nudity for no apparent reason. It doesn't even seem to be overtly sexual, but rather... comedic. Still, the show manages to make you think, smile and sometimes even inspires you.)
7. Jubei-chan and the Lovely Eyepatch (300 years ago, legendary swordsman Yagyu Jubei led his clan of samurai triumphantly against the villainous Ryujoji clan. On his deathbed, Yagyu transfers his abilities into a heart-shaped eyepatch which he instructs his attendant, Koinosuke, to bestow upon a worthy successor. In the present day, Koinosuke [whose aging has been all but stopped] finds this successor in perky schoolgirl Nanohana Jiyu, who her father, coincidentally, has nicknamed "Jubei." Unfortunately for Koinosuke, Jiyu doesn't want to embody the spirit of Yagyu Jubei. The descendants of the Ryujoji still bear a grudge against the Yagyu, so Jiyu reluctantly accepts the eyepatch to become Yagyu Jubei and put an end to the centuries-old feud.)
8. Slayers (The story of sorceress Lina Inverse and Gourry Gabriev, a handsome but vain and slightly stupid knight. Lina likes to claim that there is no one else in all the land to match her power and grace, but in all honesty she's greedy, gluttonous and leaves a fantastic trail of destruction in her wake. Don't get me wrong though--that's what makes Lina hilarious! She and Gourry are the good guys, but they're always eating the people out of house and home, all the while searching for treasure. One of the first animes I ever watched, yet still a favorite.)
9. Record of Lodoss War: Chronicles of the Heroic Knight (This sequel follows in the footsteps of its predecessor wonderfully. Personally, I like it even better. Our story follows the journey of aspiring Free Knight, Spark... whose hero is none other than Parn, from the original. Spark meets Little Neese, the daughter of Slayn and Laylia and decides to protect and aid her. Fortunately, Spark develops a crush on Little Neese, adding some extra interest to the story. My favorite part of this series is the comic relief provided by the little "Welcome to Lodoss Island" bits, done in the classic "chibi" style. If you're unfamiliar with the term "chibi", it pretty much means tiny. All the characters are drawn in a smaller, rounder, impossibly adorable fashion and their personalities are magnified in extreme charicature. Funny stuff.)
10. Inuyasha (Yeah... I'm putting Inuyasha on the list. I'm slightly ashamed, but I have to do it. When I finish reading Fushigi Yugi, I'll probably watch its anime incarnation and then it will take its rightful place on this list. You see, Inuyasha is merely a colourful adaptation of Fushigi Yugi. They both take place when a high school girl falls through some portal into ancient, mystical feudal realm and fall in love. For Miaka Yuuki of Fushigi Yugi, her love interest is a boy with the word demon upon his forehead. For Kagome of Inuyasha, it's a boy who happens to be a half-demon with cute little fangs and pointy dog ears. They both take up the mantle of a priestess of the realm. They both meet and befriend an eccentric monk during their travels. The parallels are seemingly endless. What originally made Inuyasha stand out to me was the dynamic of the relationship between Inuyasha and Kagome. It was hilarious, yet sometimes captured that breathless moment when your eyes meet those of the one you love, and for an instant you both wonder if the object of your affection feels the same. Inuyasha is prideful, arrogant and sometimes mean, but that's pretty nice for a half-demon though, don't you think? Also, I can't fail to mention Miroku, Inuyasha's eccentric monk. In his hand lies a wind tunnel that threatens to someday consume him, yet despite that and the fact that he's a MONK, nothing can dissuade him from being a total player, womanizer, ladie's man. Miroku, we love you. <3 Unfortunately, at some point Inuyasha became too repetitive and drawn-out for me. Every episode soon felt the same. They should make a summarized version, lol.)
So there you have it! I hope you're not sleeping on your keyboards. Your drool will short the circuitry and worse... you'll wake up with WAFFLE FACE! Seriously though, all of these titles are great. Consider watching one, or even two! :)
--Nate
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